You Don’t Owe Them Your Ruin 🧨

"You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm." — Unknown

“Cutting off toxic people isn’t selfish; it’s survival.”

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Let me be blunt.

The most painful decisions I’ve ever made were also the most necessary.

I once held onto a relationship like it was a life raft, even though it was the very thing dragging me under. They didn’t scream. They didn’t throw things.

But the erosion was constant. My confidence chipped away. My clarity twisted into guilt. I’d walk into a room feeling solid, and leave questioning if I was the problem.

That’s the kind of toxicity no one warns you about.

The kind that doesn’t explode. It seeps.

And when I finally pulled away, the backlash came fast.

“You’re being dramatic.”

“You used to be different.”

“You’re abandoning people who love you.”

But real love doesn’t demand that you abandon yourself to maintain it.

Walking away wasn’t a betrayal of them. It was a return to me.

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Ask yourself this, and answer with honesty, not obligation:

“What am I tolerating in the name of loyalty that’s actually costing me my peace?”

Now take it further:

“If someone treated a loved one the way this person treats me, would I tell them to stay?”

You don’t need another apology. Another cycle. Another justification.

Sometimes survival means closing the door.

Not with malice. With self-respect.

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"You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm." — Unknown

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Have you ever had to cut ties with someone you cared about, not because you stopped loving them, but because you finally started loving yourself?

Or maybe you’re in the fog of that decision now. Still holding the scissors. Still wondering if choosing yourself makes you the villain.

Let’s talk about that space.

That edge between guilt and liberation. Drop your truth here.

This community can hold it.

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There is nothing selfish about preserving your peace.

There is nothing heartless about protecting your mind.

There is nothing cruel about refusing to stay in a space that constantly punishes your growth, manipulates your kindness, or makes you feel like you have to apologize for existing.

Some people will never respect your boundaries because they benefited from your lack of them.

That’s not your burden to carry anymore.

You get to walk away.

And you don’t need permission.

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Thank you for reading today’s Healing Text.

To Yolanda, B, and Monica —
Thank you for the coffees. Truly. That small act landed loud.

Whether it was meant as encouragement, quiet support, or just a soft “I see you”—I felt it. And it reached me on a day I needed it most.

So here’s my reply: I see you, too. And I’m grateful.

To my inner circle of paid subscribers, Lynne and Max, you keep the lights on, the words flowing, and the mission steady. Thank you for holding this space with me.

Want to support without a subscription?

Here are a few more ways to show some love:

• Buy me a coffee ☕️

• Grab a book 📖 or

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And if today’s Healing Text stirred something in you, don’t let it stop there. Pass it on. You never know whose heart might be waiting for this exact message.

With gratitude (and a very caffeinated heart),
— Ryan Puusaari ☕💛